Only in Lagos!!!!

Of course, I live in the land of show-offs...no, maybe that is not the right word: the land of impatient law breakers. Note the two key words: impatient and Law-breakers.

Of course, if you don't live in our good old Lagos, Nigeria (it doesn't happen anywhere else, even in Nigeria!) you will understand the frustrations of this innocent road-user (someone is probably smiling as they read this. Fact is there are no "innocent" persons driving in Lagos. We all become teak tough and wild after a few months on the road!)

However, there are some things that still defy normal sense in our stretched-for-normality environment. The first is the arbitrary use of the siren...if you have passed through Lagos before, you may have an idea of what I mean (note the word may because, believe me, it is much worse now).
Everyone in Lagos uses a siren: visiting Governors from other states in Nigeria (we have 36 States), their aides, their wives, the aides of their wives, the wives of their aides, their girl-friends; Senators passing through Lagos on their way to the 'normal' week end 'rest' abroad, their aides, their wives, the aides of their wives, the wives of their aides, their girlfriends; visiting Federal House of Representative members passing through Lagos on the way to....(yes, you get the picture!), their aides, their wives, the aides of their...exactly! You get the picture!

It doesn't just end there. Then there are the Service Chiefs of the armed forces...and the whole retinue as above; add the different hierachy of the Police, Customs, Lastma (the traffic regulators - they have become a source of traffic tangling themselves!). Now add to that the medical emergency ambulances, the vans conveying both political and ordinary prisoners, and the ambulances conveying corpses to the burial sites - are you getting an idea about the noise level yet? But that is not all. A new breed has joined the 'siren brigade'.

Now, because of the high number of armed robbery attacks that have been reported by those arriving the country, either on the airport road, or as they were driving into their houses, (presumably after being trailed by the bandits from the airport) a new industry is growing in Nigeria: the escort security industry. These escorts (can't say whether they are armed or not) apparently guarantee both safe and early arrival home for their clients, because they also blast your ear drums with siren, insist you leave the road (if you are in traffic with them) and generally go on as if their clients owns the road for that moment. (The last time I checked, the Law that prohibited the indiscriminate use of the siren by those not fit to do so - and this covers about 95% of those mentioned above - is still in force...remember my "law breakers"?)

There are other 'show offs'. The ones that drive brand new cars, all the better if its a Jeep. These are mostly the nouveau rich, mostly half-literate, or illiterate. They have no access to the siren, and are not on their way to or from the airport, so there is no security escort: all these ones do, is drive with their parking lights on, and flash you to get out of the way if you are ahead of them in traffic.
In fact, some are not even driving in Jeeps, all they have is a fairly new car with powerful enough head-lamps (they know that you can't see the whole vehicle till they are gone!), so, they try to harass and intimidate you with the flashing head-lamps, hoping that you will be fooled by their aggression and get out of the way.

I won't go on to those that drive one way: The Danfo (That is the local kombi bus used for public transport) that carries an 'officer' (this could mean anyone in uniform: police, army, of whatever rank, Man O War member!), any sort of official car, and the usual crazy dares that face you on your lane and hope you will be intimidated by their madness, while hoping an officer of the law (a real officer of the law) will not chose that moment to pass!.

All these add to the fun that is the Lagos road, and the many traffic jams caused by the impatient law-breakers, who then use the siren to untangle a path for themselves!
NB: I told my Dad in a conversation yesterday. To drive in Lagos you must have two attributes: You must be stubborn - have a resistance to the crazy dares, the sirens, the street urchin (that will beg you for money, and rob you if he has a chance!), and you must know the back roads.
No one can predict what the traffic will be like at any time, a knowledge of the backroads will serve you well, as it will take you round the traffic spots!

Last lap...

Its only now that it hit me: I haven't posted a blog in more than six weeks! (And to think I used to write two weekly Features column a few short years ago, for a national daily!) How times change - or is it people now?
And that was why I started blogging in the first instance, to get rid of the rust as I prepare to re-launch my writing 'career'...this dream will not die!
A lot of my friends insist that I write better than I talk. However, talking has proved more profitable for me...thus my 'acquired laziness' in writing. But things will change, I promise (myself of course...outsiders can get involved after I have finished the in-fighting!)

Enough about me. Nigerian Football. Yes...my favourite topic. There is no other topic that gives me as much joy, neither is there any that has caused me as much pain, as Football in Nigeria. And the pain has been aggravated by the way we are going about preparations for the U17 World Cup scheduled to hold in South Korea from early August.
These boys were in Korea in May to participate in an 8-Nation Invitational Tournament. They lost the Final to Brazil, via a penalty shoot-out.
Now the appreciative Korean offered them several invitations to return before the World Cup proper both to train and to play more friendlies...sadly, the team is still in Nigeria, less than two weeks to the event.
The last we heard was that they will go on a training tour in (flooded) England!
Anyway, the long camping at home has demoralized them (from reports), and the confidence that was built up after the penalty shoot-out loss to Brazil at the invitational has all but dissipated.
Meanwhile, back home, the NFA and the NFL - the body that regulates the Nigerian League - are at war over who controls the (money!!!) timing and announcement of the league kick off date!
As they fight, the Falcons have a key date in Accra August 12, the U23 Male team also have a date in Johannesburg - both Olympic qualifiers, but that is not a source of bother for the FA.
Meanwhile, guess who gets the blame when the teams suffer a set back? You guess it, the coach!!!

Power Games...

Finally, I've gotten the hang of it...this blogging business.

I'm one of those sporadic writers: I pen when I'm the mood, usually once a week!
However, the energy of my moods have been defeated by my inability to find my way back to my page....

And having vented my frustrations on my hapless computer while searching for the route back, have failed to register my thoughts for transfer later, and lost... spontaneity.
Thankfully, this is Lagos - there's always something going on.

This time, its my power supply.

Some months back (February) the power company installed the pre-paid meter in my house. Right on the first day.
Before then, my power bill fluctuates between three and four thousand Naira every month. I was about to be delivered.

The new meter came with a 200 unit credit. That costs roughly N1,200 and in a normal environment, it would been gone in about two weeks...at most. Mine lasted 15 weeks, from 1st February to the 2nd week of May.

In that period, we had power supply for a total of about 5o hours.
Some days we had one hour supply...
Some days we had 5 minutes...
Some days it comes on and goes as you blink(like 3o seconds)...
Some days nothing happened...
Some times we go days without power supply...
Then, about three weeks ago, a miracle!

The light came on...and stayed on, and on....and on....for all of FOUR hours!!! Hallelujah! Things are getting better...and indeed, they were.
Until now. A big spark during a particularly vicious thunderstom knocked the power off, and things have never been the...er...things are back to normal.

The upside?
The 800 plus units I paid for, will last till my next birthday...in April 2008!

Arenas, Politics, and All That...

The "refurbished" Teslim Balogun Stadium was declared open today. Again.
Yes, "again"! The arena that has taken 20 years to build (not my words, mark, but that of an experienced sports caster, who had "witnessed the several attempts to rebuild the old UAC Stadium"!) was commishioned again today...

The first time the stadium was "commissioned" was when the last military governor of the state declared the stadium "fit to use" after millions of dollars had been hurriedly approved to 'complete' it as the days of his administration ran out. Only the press was invited on that occasion.
This time, with an International football friendly (I wont bore you with details of the teams), and with a sizeable crowd, the governor declared the stadium open...also with the days of his administration running out (only three days left), but that is not my story today.

I was actually given a VIP pass to witness the ocassion - this means I get to seat a few feet away from the governor (who would be ensconced in a bullet proof box anyway!), and I get to receive 'refreshments' while the 'commoners' on the other side of the divide look on in envy (I wish I could see the future when I got the card...just come along)

Anyway, I went because I wanted to witness the game: a Ghanaian side and a top Nigerian team. Match was scheduled to kickoff at 4pm, so, given the oddity of "Nigerian Time" I left my office just after 3pm. Error.

I have forgotten that in Nigeria, a commissioning plus an out-going administration equals looooooonnng speeches. Boy, did I get a reminder! The politicians talked, and talked, and talked. That was after the governor kept us waiting, and waiting, and waiting.
Then, after I had slept and slept and slept, and they had passed the refreshments without serving my side, I had had enough. That was some two and half hour after the match should have kicked off. I got into my car and left the arena.
Only to be reminded: it is only a visitor to Lagos; a man that has lots of fuel in his car; or someone who just bought a new car and wants to test the air-conditioner and sound sysytem, that leaves Surulere for Anthony anytime between 5 and 8pm in the terrible evening traffic.

It is now after 9pm, I am still trying to summon the courage to leave my office, and face the drive home!

Another long day....

I have just returned from the land of the droop...its just past noon, but sleep has been my main companion.
Before you condemn me as just another lazy Nigerian, hear me out: I wake at 5am everyday, leave my house to present a show on radio, and I return to my office around 10am. From then on, things slow down...if there are stuff to take care of on my table, I dig in and slave on till it is taken care of...
Otherwise, I take my braekfast, and catch up on my snooze...electricity supply helping.
Today, it was much of same of the same.
I got back to the office but one of our three electricity lines was not working, which means my laptop could not be used (damn! the laptop can't be used anyway: a massive surge of electricity took out the power pack - the second in four months!)
Anyway, I swallowed a good dosage of beans that has been concretised with cassave flakes, I was asleep in less than an hour, electricity supply or not....